Aug 272009
 

Currently trying to find option 1.5.

pretty flowers

Option 1: Be a controlling mom.

Haley's closetThis seems to make life in present easier but presents problems when your children actually need to live on their own.  Since you’ve always micro-managed every minute detail of their childhood or done everything for them, they can’t actually function as adults.

Okay, so it’s obvious that I believe that to be a bad option…but I have to tell you that there are SO many times when it’s just easier to deal with things on my own – it’s faster, less messy and gets done in a way that I can handle.  So sometimes I give up on teaching life lessons and skills and revert to crazy controlling mom.

Option 2: Give up control all together.

Taylor's closetIt’s plain as day to me that is is also a horrible option because it leads to a mom (dad?) and children that are totally out of control.  R-E-S-P-E-C-T will be out the window.  Plus at a young age they are rarely capable of making good choices (every single time).  Parents are to be there to guide their children.  Simple as that.  But there are days when I don’t have what it takes.  There are days I just want to give up..or give in.

Option 1.5:  You walk that delicate line from  control towards freedom.

And it’s supposed to happen in 18 years time.  So for my sanity, I’m trying to get things under control in this household while helping my children take part of the control that they can reasonably handle.  It’s a process – something I have to remind myself on a daily basis.

Continuing to dig my way out….

one messy closet at a time.

  9 Responses to “I'll take 3 of Option 1.5, please!”

  1. I have found choose your battles to be helpful. as my boys grew to teens I have left their rooms up to them after about 11. I would have them do a big clean when it got really bad but as long as they had a clear route out of their rooms in case of fire in the night and no bugs eew. I let them know I didnt like there rooms a mess. but let them slide as there way of rebellion. It beats drinking and doing drugs my kids are 17 and 16 and They dont party and they are responsible. So like I said decide what is important and what you dont like but can live with. all kids want a sence of control over there lives and that sometimes means they make the wrong choices. Id rather it be about not to clean their room rather than trying drugs or drinking to excess.
    Melisa

    • I totally agree! Right now I’m working on their rooms for a few reasons. First, they were overflowing into the rest of the house. Second, I felt like we have not been doing a good job of helping them form good daily habits. And third, we are also decorating them as we go in order to make each room their own…which is the fun part!

  2. I couldn’t agree more, but I want to share a book with you that totally changed my parenting style and hopefully will help my daughter learn to become a responsible adult…..Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline & Jim Kay. Check it out. It will answer every question you have about how to deal but not hinder the child and to give them control within your limits.

  3. You’ve been reading my mail. ;) I could definitely use option 1.5. :)

  4. Uhggg.. parenting, a full time job in itself. I’m with ya though, option 1.5 would be nice.. I tend to go 50/50 with option 1 and option 2.. my poor kid never knows which mom to expect. & to makes matters even worse.. when I’m in option 2 mode everyone in the house knows how dissatisfied I am to be there. Just a little help here and there from everyone in the house would be nice..dads included. ;)

    • It is so hard sometimes! I love the days when everything just clicks. It all works like I think it should. Wish every day were one of those days. :-) Now that school has started we’re really working with the kids to try to get them into good daily (nightly) routines that helps them which in turn helps me too.

  5. Our jobs are to create adults, and it isn’t easy. And, for some kids, you wonder if you will ever succeed. Good luck!

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